Free writing experiment

God I hate interviewing people. It's either totally obvious that person belongs at X, totally obvious they don't, or just really, really meh, and those are by far the hardest feedbacks to write. I try to include a whole bunch of funny shit in my feedbacks. My last contained the phrase "I am profoundly ambivalent regarding this person's chances of success at X". I thought that would be pretty unhelpful, but I didn't get a negative feedback report.

I'm really trying to find a new hobby. I kinda like writing, and think that I am reasonably good at it, with a bit of editing, but I don't really have anything to write about. I could write about myself, I guess, but I don't find myself to be particularly interesting. I mean there are billions of people on earth who struggled through adversity to get where they are, and really all I did was be blessed with good genes, good parents, and just kinda showed up at the right time.

The uproar regarding this latest set of security theater procedures by the TSA both cracks me up and annoys me. Why the fuck must the line be drawn here? They were already groping you and making you wait 45 minutes in lines to go through procedures which have no proven effect on airplane safety. Doesn't it make you feel safer to have some Latino guy on a power trip grab your junk and proclaim that it is not an incendiary device? If the Republicans are smart, they will seize on this issue and gain political capital by claiming to be cutting costs by cutting these programs.

Push

My trainer made some mocking comment after I failed to complete a set on Wednesday, and insisted I use weight-lifting straps because my grip had failed. This made me angry. The next set, I pushed myself as hard as I possibly could, and I finished it - without the straps. Thursday, I woke up sick. Today, it was worse.

It doesn't matter. I will push myself until I collapse, and if I heal, I'll push myself harder the next time. Because otherwise... what's the point?

-C

Reflections on the year

As of tomorrow, I will be fully moved out of our house in Redwood City, and back into the place I lived previously. Since this seems like something of a milestone, I thought I'd reflect on the past year, and look forward to the next one. So here are my thoughts about the previous year, presented in mostly-random order:

- I have now completely lost the ability to drink alcohol of any kind. It's really starting to get to me. Tonight I avoided my brother's birthday party because it was going to take place at a bar, among other places, and I really hate being reminded of what I can't do anymore. I really feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of the human condition.

- I feel like I've made some progress over the last year, but damned if I could tell you what it was.

- I'm pretty disappointed with my attempt to be more social. If anything, I've been less social this year than previous years.

- This part almost goes without saying, but I've had quite a few serious hobbies over the past year, and I'm currently bored of almost all of them. These include: Chess, Table Tennis, Weight Lifting, World of Warcraft, listening to lectures about History, Puzzle Pirates, Political blogging, Piano, Songwriting, Investing, Economic Theory, Running, Social Sciences, Medical School, Libertarianism, Video Game Remixes, and Jazz Guitar.

- I think I've mostly figured out who I want to be - at least, for the time being. I've done a lot of reflection over the years, both about myself and about the world around me, and I'm hoping that I can express the result of that reflection musically somehow.

As it stands

I have taken on the task of reading all volumes of the Oxford History of the United States. The first one is amazing so far, and they were only $10 each on the Kindle. Also, I bought a Kindle. The thing is amazing.

I have been playing piano. I am trying not to play for too often each day, so that I don't burn out on it. I have been making steady progress.

I am unfortunately back playing World of Warcraft again for most of my free time. It's not something I'd like to be still doing 6 months from now, but I am having fun with it for now.

I started writing a political blog, but I can't really figure out what I want it to be exactly. I might try to contribute somewhat to a friend's political blog. Blog blog blog blog

I am trying to figure out what in my room I can get rid of before I move, to make the task less arduous and also because it feels good to get rid of things you no longer need.

I keep trying to find a good reason to quit my job, but I am unable. If I had any kind of revenue stream to fall back on doing something I actually enjoy, I might be tempted enough to quit. I don't really enjoy programming, and I'm not particularly good at it. I keep trying to find a way to leverage my ability to think of witty one-liners, but I can't figure out a way to get paid for it. Also thinking of jokes under pressure is a different animal from thinking of them on the fly.

Still single, no real progress on that front. I doubt I'd be a good boyfriend anyway, so I like to think of it as sparing some woman out there some tears.

I stay up too late still. That sucks, but I find it difficult to go to sleep before 3am.

My friend moved back to California. I thought it would make me happy, but I really don't care. She apparently doesn't either, as she hasn't attempted to contact me at all.

I'm still seeking out inspiration and coming up short.

Song of the moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IUqN9ozmhw

And I was green, greener than the hill
Where flowers grew and sun shone still
Now I'm darker than the deepest sea
Just hand me down, give me a place to be

Bonus: One of the most beautiful songs ever recorded http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtyLL_BE-oo

Jazz is hard

I wonder what it would be like to work a real job.

Mad Men

I tried to watch Mad Men... I made it through the pilot and was bored out of my mind. I then watched the second episode, and was bored enough to give up about halfway through. Am I missing something?

Electric Feel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzU2qH6wecw

How I want to play piano

I found a song that kind of epitomizes the way I'd like to be able to improvise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jx8Mlh1ACtc

I feel like the guy playing that could go on like that for hours, and I'd still enjoy listening to it.

Rationale

One distinction I don't see people making enough is the difference between reason and rationale. Reason is the process of using one's mental faculties to assess a situation and come to a conclusion about what must be done. Rationale is using one's mental faculties to come up with justification for what one has already decided to do. This is an important distinction to keep in mind.

To pick a vaguely topical example, if you're arguing with someone who's very strongly in favor of socialized medicine for reasons such as peer pressure, arguing with their stated reasons for instituting socialized medicine is futile in many ways. Arguing with someone's rationale is pointless, because they spring up like weeds. This is, of course, only assuming that your goal is to convince that person that they're wrong. Arguing with that person in a public forum with the goal of convincing the audience is often worthwhile.

Debussy

This piece of music inspires me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWpV7L4YHuU

Finally

I figured out my path in learning the piano. It took my teacher throwing a song at me in an open-ended manner and encouraging me to figure it out on my own.

Health care

I haven't checked the facts in this, but here's what seems to be a thorough summary of what's in the health care bill: http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSN1914020220100319

Ice Water

I think my favorite beverage in the entire world is ice water. Probably my second favorite is V8 Juice. I think I'm going to go to the supermarket tomorrow and get some. Those are really boring favorite beverages.

By the way, if you read this, post a comment. I want to see if I should bother posting anymore.

This blog sucks

I thought I would have more to say in a blog, but I don't really think about myself, my isolation, my loneliness, or my general situation much anymore. I just don't think about it. I used to be very introspective, and wonder how on earth others could be otherwise. I guess I have my answer.

Piano

Piano is harder than I thought it was going to be, but I'm enjoying it more than I thought I would.

Piano

I started taking piano lessons again.

Smart

To elaborate on my previous post, I would like to get an MS in Physics, Math, Biology, and Chemistry. As to why, I've always wanted to become as intelligent as I possibly can be. I believe that people who understand Science at a very fundamental level are some of the smartest and most admirable members of society.

Facts

I had a vague notion that it would be interesting to try to get a Master's Degree in more than one subject, and just try to subsist on whatever salary I could get from TAing plus whatever I've saved. My immediate thought was that universities wouldn't be supportive of a Master's Student treating getting Master's Degrees as a leisure pursuit, because they generally treat letting a student into their graduate program as an investment - they expect the student to bring prestige to the university somehow. I know this sentiment characterizes Stanford, but I'm not sure about other universities.

First

First!